Kolo Touré Once Pretended to Be a Car Salesman… and Almost Got Away With It
Some players fake injuries. Kolo Touré? He allegedly faked his entire identity.
Yes, this is the true(ish) story of how one of Arsenal and Manchester City’s most dependable defenders somehow found himself moonlighting as a used car salesman named “François”, all in the name of love… or something like it.
The Kolo Plot Twist No One Asked For
Back in the early 2010s, Kolo Touré was quietly doing Kolo things: solid at the back, rarely flashy, never one for drama. That is, until a woman came forward with a claim that turned this quiet centre-back into tabloid gold.
She said she had been in a two-year relationship with a man named François. He said he was a car dealer from Africa who liked to keep things low-key.
Spoiler alert: François was Touré, and Touré was not, in fact, low-key. He was playing Premier League football in front of 40,000 people every week.
Diamonds, Lies, and a Fake Proposal
According to reports, including from The Mirror and Deadspin, Touré (sorry, François) went above and beyond the call of deception. We’re talking:
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Sunglasses and a cap to disguise himself when visiting her flat
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Fake name
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Fake job
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Even a fake proposal complete with a diamond ring and no, not the Champions League kind
The woman, who reportedly was a model, claimed she was totally unaware of his real identity, until one fateful Google search exposed it all. She found wedding photos and press clippings and realised she’d been dating a Premier League centre-back, not someone offering weekend test drives on a second-hand Kia.
Did He Say Anything? Nope.
To this day, Kolo Touré has never publicly commented on the incident. Neither confirmed nor denied. The internet, of course, did what it always does: immortalised the story in Reddit threads, meme pages, and football pub chat for eternity.
And while many footballers have had their wild off-pitch moments, this one stands out, mainly because it’s so weirdly specific. It’s not cheating scandal 101. It’s deep-cover, low-stakes espionage.
Why We Still Love Kolo
In the grand footballer scandal scale, where we’ve seen tax frauds, nightclub brawls, and even prison sentences, this one is almost… harmlessly ridiculous. And if anything, it just added a weird new chapter to the legend of Kolo Touré.
After all, who else can claim they kept a secret identity while being broadcast to millions every week?
Not even James Bond could mark Drogba and maintain a fake name for two years.
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